brainiac conspiracy

The View From a Window

Wharf Street, Portland, Maine, 4:00 pm. A surprisingly hip little burg.

---Vitelius

Question of the Day . . .

Courtesy of the LA Times today:

Another Iraqi friend, Ghazwan Adnan, remembers laughing when he applied for a job at a local Princess Garden Chinese Restaurant and discovered [Curveball] washing dishes in the back while claiming to be "a big deal" in Iraq. "How could America believe such a person?"

Actually, the more accurate question is, How could anyone in the American mass media believe such a person?

---Vitelius

The View From a Window

Overlooking the River Charles, Boston, Massachusetts, 4:30 pm. The building in the foreground is the old Charles Street Jail, since converted to a four-star hotel.

---Vitelius

Gemini Birthday Wishes

Happy 126th, Maestro dei Maestri . . . and to me! Enjoy the tunes.

Lovely woman, will you marry me one day?

Feel the pooooower!

---Vitelius

Who's Backing Barack

The latest Pew Global Attitudes report is out, and as usual, it's chock-full of fascinating polling data---this time around, with a special emphasis on what the Euros, the Asians, and our Little Brown Brothers® around the world think of us. What kinds of conclusions can we draw from this survey, anyway? Some possibilities:

1. Well, obviously, the French as always still hate America. So too the Germans, to a nearly equal degree. Guess we'd have to agree that Dear Leader's sage leadership has helped to bring these ancient enemies closer together than ever. The Almighty's Gift of Freedom™ keeps on giving across the Maginot Line, or . . . something.

2. The rain may fall on the plain in Spain, but they no seem to like Señor McCain.

3. They didn't forget Poland.

4. Most of what we'd call the "developed" world would seem to be reasonably comfortable with ether Obama or Huggy in the Oval Office, while most of the "developing" world appears deeply distrustful of both. Why in the world would this be the case?

5. I was mulling the possibility of a Turkish vacation next year---there aren't many places where the dollar buys much of value anymore---but after looking at this, well, I think I'll wait awhile longer.

6. Outside of Tanzania, John McCain is apparently not a terribly credible candidate anywhere else in the world but here. Is there still time to relocate the GOP convention to Dar es Salaam this summer?

7. Why isn't Iraq on this list? Probably because it skews so strongly for the GOP, those liberal think-tankers intentionally omitted it.

But the winner, I think, is . . .

8. The rest of the world is really, really sick and tired of belligerent Republican presidents.

(I'll be on the road for the next couple of days, so blogs will be light this week . . . we'll be in touch.)

---Vitelius

Face of the Day

This just about says it all
today . . .

It was a helluva final two days at Torrey Pines, and if you can think of a more gracious and generous loser in a big-pressure major than Rocco was today, I'd sure like to know. Much as I love watching Tiger play---and having both played a fair amount of golf and having endured invasive knee surgery, I can imagine the amount of pain he had to play through this week; it was a gritty and gutty performance---Mediate was simply a joy to watch out there, unflappable to the end and seemingly having the time of his life, even though this Open most surely marks a closing grace note to an otherwise undistinguished journeyman's career. May ye graduate a few years hence to the Seniors and rake in countless riches, good man---as a competent touring pro and a bonafide Class Act, you've earned it. (Photo: Chris Carlson/AP)

---Vitelius

Stopping the Yanqui Hordes

Those damn immigrants, swarming across our border, taking advantage of its neighbor's prosperity and plundering resources. That wall can't be built soon enough to keep those vermin out . . . except, you know, when it's us that's doing the swarm.

---Vitelius

Simple Answers to Complicated Questions

Question: Wanna know the reason you're paying $4.50 for a gallon of gas?

Answer: It's Al Gore's fault. Betcha didn't know that, did you? Smarty-pants elitists.

---Vitelius

While We're Privatizing Social Security and Medicare . . .

Something to ponder here. This is simply beautiful:

(Thanks to Camille for the link.)

---Vitelius

Idiot of the Day

Didn't this guy take a buyout a while ago? What the hell is taking him so long to leave?

Perot is not offering any solutions. But he is clearly pointing to what he says are the culprits, the big entitlements---Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid. As the narrator puts it with the first of the charts: "The United States faces large and growing budget deficits mostly due to an aging population and rising health-care costs. Unless we solve the problems caused by entitlement spending, there will be little money left to do anything else in the future. Over time, our standard of living, our national security, our standing in the world and the value of our currency could all be threatened. The sooner we confront these issues, the better."

So, this is the existential threat America faces---providing a modicum of support for our senior citizens, and making sure everyone in the country can afford to visit a doctor. Only in a place like David Broder's Washington would these sorts of things be called "entitlements"---most other places, they'd be considered necessities for maintaining a more stable and secure republic. Forget about the trillion-dollar military empire that drains our treasury, our insatiable addiction to foreign energy sources, our increasingly worrisome water shortages, our uninspected food supply, our devalued currency and our unregulated financial markets. Forget about a tax code that rewards speculation and outsourcing. Forget about the homeless veterans you see hustling loose change on the street. Forget about crumbling levees and collapsing bridges. Forget about torture and the loss of our liberties, and a Supreme Court that's one vote shy of tossing our Constitution into the woodchipper. And forget above all about the costs of waging perpetual wars against people who pose no threat to us. In Broder-land, poor seniors and sick people will be the death of the commenweal should we deign to gurantee some future measure of comfort for them: Jonathan Swift would be proud of ye, Dean. Now do us all a favor and retire already.

---Vitelius

Uncluttering the Unfriendly Skies

Well, here's a novel idea from a former captain of industry: How about re-regulating the airlines again?

Unfettered competition just doesn't work very well in certain industries, as amply demonstrated by our airline experience and by the adverse outcomes associated with various state efforts to deregulate electricity rates. In my view, it is time to acknowledge that airlines look and are more like utilities than ordinary businesses.

Bob Crandall clearly hates America. Everyone knows the virtues of competition: Survival of the fittest, baby, and if you're the small fish, you get gobbled up. That's capitalism, dude:

In my view, the arguments in favor of consolidation are unpersuasive. Mergers will not lower fuel prices, they will not increase economies of scale for already sizable major airlines. They will require major capital expenditures and are likely to increase labor costs. Finally, they will disadvantage many employees, who incentive to provide good service will be further reduced.

Now it's not all a bed of roses here. Bob Crandall was a tough SOB with unions when he ran American, and under his plan, employee strikes would be pretty much verboten. Bigger hub-and-spoke carriers (like American, or Delta) would have to charge higher fares than point-to-point carriers (Southwest), and overall, the result for consumers would most likely be fewer flights and higher fares. But would this necessarily be a bad thing when potential benefits could be reduced congestion at airports, increased fuel efficiency per flight, and more on-time arrivals and departures? And for those of us who've gotten accustomed to convenient cheapy flights from LAX to Vegas or SFO for a weekend getaway, gee, it might mean we'd need to reconsider how we spend our leisure time, or find alternative methods of transport, Like, you know, trains and stuff, like they have everywhere else in the world.

And on the subject, why oh why is it taking soooo damn long to get high-speed rail out here? We should've had this years ago. President Obama, can you spare a few billion from the 2010 budget for us?

---Vitelius

The Gift That Keeps on Giving

Repeat after me: Two hundred and eighteen more days to go.

Hundreds of thousands of passengers at Heathrow face lengthy delays and even cancellations this weekend because of George Bush's visit to London.

The U.S. President is refusing to fly in to a military base and has demanded that he land at the world's busiest airport.

This is not the worst idea in the world, provided they make him wait in the same line at customs like everyone else. And route him through baggage claim too.

Defence officials believe the president and his entourage could have landed at RAF Brize Norton in Oxfordshire or the vast U.S. airbase at Lakenheath in Suffolk.

"No one knows why on Earth he wants to come to Heathrow," one said. "It's not as if he is going to stay and have a look around."

Well, considering the way Heathrow has been traditionally run, one would think that Dubya would feel right at home in the place. Metaphorically speaking and all that.

---Vitelius

Saturday Night Get-Down-and-Moody Blog

And happy birthday, Junior.

---Vitelius

A Man in Full

It only figures. A true American patriot shakes off his mortal coil today, yet he will see neither the column-inches nor the bandwidth that will be expended for the myriad paeans to Timmeh the Titan of Network News. Well, the Baron remembers and honors ye, good man, and Godspeed to all your friends and followers.

---Vitelius

Getting a Grip

When I talk to senior government officials on the phone, it's my own policy our conversations are confidential. If I want to use anything from that conversation, then I will ask permission.

---Tim Russert, under oath at the Lewis Libby trial.

When news about Russert's passing crossed the Internets this afternoon, I wondered how long we'd have to wait for the cascade of impassioned eulogies to Big Russ's son, the Beltway bulldog, a towering figure in America journalism. As it turns out, we didn't have to wait very long.

Now, the Baron's not got much to add to these tributes, other than to pay homage to the man in his favorite milieu, the pit of political give-and-take. With a war without end raging in Iraq, a cratering economy, exploding food and fuel prices, an administration that has institutionalized torture and illegal spying, a runaway private health-care system, the threat of a nuclear exchange with Iran, and a planet that we are literally parboiling to death, we were treated to this seven-minute feat of journalistic bravado during a presidential debate as our dogged moderator tackled the Serious Issues Confronting Our Nation®:

He was a bulldog, to be sure. Unfortunately, he spent too much time in recent years pissing on people's pant legs instead of guarding the store against crooks in high places. While it is altogether proper that that we sorrow and pray for his family and friends, let's also not overlook the degree of debasement our political discourse has suffered over the past decade, and his contribution to it as one of Beltway broadcasting's leading lights.

Glad to see someone else out there is experiencing a similar reaction today.

---Vitelius

That Driver to the Head Has Gotta Hurt . . .

From a truly awesome blogsite, a question for the ages: What's more embarrassing---the national daily paper that ran this photo unedited, or the agency that actually sold it to them?



---Vitelius

About That Crystal Ball . . .

Last week, Swifty the Handicapper wrote:

Lakers-Celtics? On paper at least, with home-court advantage, it should be Boston in five.
But . . .

Guess I'll stick to predicting elections next time.

At least those of us on the Left Coast can show a little love for Kevin Garnett, who carried a lot genuinely crappy Minnesota teams into the post-season for years and got little to show for it but a "can't win" label affixed to his number. If there's a guy in the league who's more deserving of a ring, I can't think of him.

And Curt Schilling really is a major-league jerk.

---Vitelius

Top of the Pops, and Other Internet Atrocities

Over at Yahoo! Music today, someone named Rob O'Connor who claims to be a music critic lists the 25 greatest Music Legends With at Least 25 Years of Service in the Music Business. After disqualifying artists who either died young (Hendrix, Marley, Coltrane, et al), who were absent from the scene for prolonged periods of time (Brian Wilson), or who made their name as members of an ensemble (Jimmy Page, Jerry Garcia, et al), he arrives at a list that, shall we say, is entertaining to say the least, and not a wee bit revealing of the state of pop culture criticism in this Foul Year of Our Lord 2008. Running from top to bottom, here are some of his most, er, questionable selections:

3. Paul McCartney?!? I thought this was a list of solo artists, not '60s ensemble players. He's an awesome talent, to be sure, and he's always been shamefully underrated as a bassist, but McCartney's post-Beatle output has been almost uniformly dreadful, so away he goes.

4. Miles Davis. Fine with me, but if that's the case, we are going to need to find room on this list for Keith Jarrett, Pat Metheny, Wynton Marsalis, Michael Brecker and about 20 other dudes with the same skill sets which pretty much takes care of the rock 'n' roll contingent.

6. Chuck Berry. Please! A founding father, to be sure, but his most influential creative output, like most of his contemporaries, did not outlast the 1960s. Any Top 25 list that includes Berry but excludes Little Richard, Bo Diddley, Buddy Holly and Elvis is completely and utterly bogus, so off the island he goes, presumably to play with his own ding-a-ling.

8. Van Morrison. Ugh. Am I the only person on the planet who's always considered this guy an uninspiring B-lister who's spent the last 40 years convincing critics that he can write like Dylan, sing like Howlin' Wolf, and proving time and again that he's utterly incapable of either?

15. Al Green. No argument here, but O'Connor's rationale that

Green is one of those great singers where writers trot out the idea that he could even sing the phone book and make it sound good

is one of the most corny and plagiarized pop music cliches around.

18. Dolly Parton. Uhhhhh . . . perhaps, if no other suitable replacements can be found, or if we are factoring cleavage and facelifts into the equation. What, Tammy Wynette isn't good enough?

20. Frank Zappa. Really? Here's Rob O'Connor's reasoning:

Frank Zappa recorded something like 547 albums--half of which consist of guitar solos. The way some people document their lives with blogs (and be thankful I never tell you people what I've been having for breakfast), Zappa once documented his life on magnetic recording tape. It's as if he started each day with a fresh reel of tape and the kind of overactive imagination that makes a kid fail high school. Teachers don't like kids who think outside the box. And especially not those who design their own box.

Maybe I'm wrong, but this sure doesn't sound like someone who's actually spent much time listening to a lot of Frank Zappa records. But hey, having at least one oddball avant dude on the list gives you, like, some indie-rock cred. Or something.

25. George Clinton. Again, by O'Connor's own definition, no way this cat belongs on the list since his contributions come via ensemble playing, not as a solo act.

Perhaps Rob O'Connor would like to reconsider his list in light of the following solo artists who were all active in the pop music business for 25 years or more during the time period O'Connor delineates (circa 1950s to the present day), but who didn't make his list for some inexplicable reason:

Frank Sinatra
Ella Fitzgerald
Neil Young
Lou Reed
Tony Bennett
Joni Mitchell
Patti Smith
Carlos Santana
Waylon Jennings
Jeff Beck
David Byrne
Eric Clapton
Run DMC (okay, they're a duo, not a solo, but given their longevity---not to mention their influence---hell, it would nice to have at least one hip-hop avatar on this stupid list). Did I miss anyone else, guys?

---Vitelius

Charting the Stars of Our Next Unitary Executive

Courtesy of Markos today, a copy of Barack Obama's birth certificate, along with the quip:

Consider the latest batch of crazy internet rumors debunked. And a bonus---astrologers now have precise data upon which to work their calculations.

Yes, indeedy, and no, I am not an astrologer, and no, I don't play one on TV either, but I couldn't resist the temptation to run a chart on Obama and see what popped up. Of course I have no idea how to draw up one of these puppies, but the folks at Astrolabe apparently do, and here's what they tell us about the individual born at the time and place described on Barry O's birth record:

Rising Sign is in 18 Degrees Aquarius. You like new ideas and concepts, but you prefer to discover them by yourself -- it is not easy for others to convert you to anything. You form your own opinions, but once you do form them, you then want to convince everyone else that they are correct. Try to be more tolerant of the opinions of others. You have a deep and abiding interest in science, mathematics, and the great social problems of the day. Very sympathetic toward the downtrodden, equality is your battle cry! You demand that those in authority be fair to all. You are an intellectual -- emotions and emotional people are difficult for you to understand. You are known for being calm, cool, detached and objective.

Well whaddaya know? The wingnuts are right, he's an elitist after all! At least he'll bounce all of the knuckle-dragger creationists off the federal science agencies. I'll make that trade-off any day.

Sun is in 12 Degrees Leo. More than a bit of a showoff, you love to be the center of attention! But others do not usually mind because they tend to enjoy your genuine warmth and affection. Very spirited and willful, proud and self-important at times, you demand your own way. You are quite honest, however, and the respect of others is very important to you. You never compromise yourself and you pursue your goals with persistence and dedication. Your regal presence and demeanor draws you to positions of leadership and authority. But beware of being overly hardheaded, domineering, ostentatious or patronizing or you will lose the goodwill and admiration that you enjoy. Very theatrical, you live life on a grand scale wherever and whenever possible. Your strength and energy vitalizes those who come in contact with you.

Showoff? We know that already---have you seen his three-point stroke? Otherwise, this sounds like a Born Leader to me.

Moon is in 03 Degrees Gemini. Restless in the extreme, you are easily bored because of your short attention span. Your emotions change rapidly and you love to talk about your feelings. Generally, you have good judgment -- your intellect controls your emotions and you do not overreact emotionally to things. A good jack-of-all-trades, you have many-sided interests and enjoy reasoning things through. With your mental agility and need for physical mobility, you are attracted to traveling and learning about other peoples and cultures. You have vivid powers of emotional self-expression - - you can be a nonstop talker. You love to share your ideas with anyone who will listen.

This sounds about right also . . .

Mercury is in 02 Degrees Leo. You are usually quite convinced that your own ideas are correct and you enjoy persuading others that they are. At times, you are very stubborn and proud of your beliefs and principles, and you get very defensive when they are challenged. You appreciate truth and honesty -- you practice it yourself and expect it in others. You have good talent for organizing, directing and planning. You delight in being asked for your advice and counsel.

Well, he sure knows how to organize a political campaign.

Venus is in 01 Degrees Cancer. You like to be very close to other people. You need emotional support yourself and are willing to give it to others. When you feel unloved and insecure, you can be very jealous and possessive. You are not interested in casual or superficial relationships -- only deep emotional involvements interest you. Your faithful devotion is one of your greatest gifts, but be careful not to become too dependent on others. Learn to stand on your own two feet and demand your own rights once in a while.

Well, Dreams From My Father sorta revolved around this "devotion and dependence" theme . . . guess we gotta make sure Michelle's not gonna go too rough on him if he bums a smoke every now and then.

Mars is in 22 Degrees Virgo. Very careful and systematic, you pay great attention to details. You are always seeking perfection and sometimes get bogged down searching for the ultimate when adequacy would have been sufficient. You dislike abstractions, preferring whatever is practical, useful and demonstrable. You have a strong and enduring sense of personal responsibility, and you demand that others be as responsible and upright as you are. Very critical of yourself and others, sometimes you carry this too far and become overly intolerant of others and their right to choose their own lifestyles.

That last sentence seems off base. Let's call this chart within the statistical margin of error thus far.

Jupiter is in 00 Degrees Aquarius. Your personal growth occurs when you have the freedom to do things in new and interesting ways -- this brings out your natural inventiveness. You are an individualist, but you are also attracted to mass movements that emphasize social betterment and you will devote much time and energy to their efforts. Very fair-minded and objective, you have extraordinary skills at organization and administration.

Bingo.

Saturn is in 25 Degrees Capricorn. Very serious-minded and mature, you have the ability to take on responsibilities and to carry out important duties. You can also be trusted to be extremely practical and thrifty. A good organizer, you are the ideal one to be counted on to take a clearly defined project through to its logical conclusion. An achiever, you pride yourself on your ability to focus your attention totally on some worthy goal and then attain it.

A recap of the previous station.

Uranus is in 25 Degrees Leo. You, and your peers as well, demand complete and total freedom of self-expression. You want to make your mark in the world according to your own lights and will brook no interference from traditional authority figures, especially if they attempt to mold or shape you in any way. You are honest and forthright, but a bit offbeat and eccentric. The lack of self-discipline may hinder you from reaching your goals as quickly as you would like.

Anyone who would want to run for President of the United States has to be a little eccentric, no?

Neptune is in 08 Degrees Scorpio. You, and your entire generation, are extremely interested in anything deep and mysterious. You will explore and idealize the benefits that can accrue from the study of the occult, healing and psychology. You are willing to experiment with substances like drugs in order to push your understanding of your inner being to the extreme.

Hooo boy, the wingbats will have a field day with this one, though a quick read of Dreams should put it to bed once and for all. Then again, given everything else they've tried to throw at him, it wouldn't surprise me if we find an "anonymous tip" at Free Republic claiming Obama is not really a Muslim but a Satanist instead.

Pluto is in 06 Degrees Virgo. For your entire generation, this will be a time when profound changes in society's attitude toward work, duty and responsibility will be initiated. Radical changes in attitudes toward personal health and general nutrition will be promulgated and gain wide acceptance and practice.

Interesting. Given what is currently happening with global food and fuel supplies, this seems oddly prescient.

N. Node is in 27 Degrees Leo. You prefer to take the leadership role when it comes to dealing with others. You enjoy administering and organizing group activities. Others tend to listen to your suggestions because you aren't usually overly domineering or patronizing in your interactions. You love to entertain in a big way -- you're at your best when throwing a large and lavish party. Your popularity and social success are assured as long as you don't take others for granted -- resist the temptation to become snobbish and arrogant.

One last thing: I never knew his full given name at birth was Barack Hussein Obama the Second. Does that mean we can call him "Junior" every now and then? It might help winning over some voters in Appalachia next fall, if ya know what I mean.

---Vitelius

The Other Shoe Droppeth

Well well well. This changes everything, now, don't it?

The Supreme Court ruled Thursday that foreign terrorism suspects held at Guantanamo Bay have rights under the Constitution to challenge their detention in U.S. civilian courts.

The justices handed the Bush administration its third setback at the high court since 2004 over its treatment of prisoners who are being held indefinitely and without charges at the U.S. naval base in Cuba. The vote was 5-4, with the court's liberal justices in the majority.

Justice Anthony Kennedy, writing for the court, said, "The laws and Constitution are designed to survive, and remain in force, in extraordinary times."

Amen, Tony. No more time for comment this morning, but this is yet another gentle reminder to any disgruntled Clintonites considering switching to McCain this fall: Are you sure about that?

---Vitelius