brainiac conspiracy

GOP Health-Care Solutions: Don't Provide Any

This really is par for the course with these guys: If you don't like a law, just ignore it. Religious freedom, y'know.

---Vitelius

Because They're Snarky Elitists Men of the People

Good to see The Man himself getting aggressive on defense. From today's mailbag:

A few hours ago John McCain, the same man who just months ago promised to run a "respectful campaign," said he is "proud" of his latest attack ad.

That's the one attacking your enthusiasm, comparing me to Paris Hilton and Britney Spears, and making false claims about my energy plan.

Now, we're facing some serious challenges in this country -- our economy is struggling, energy costs are skyrocketing, and families don't have health care.

Given the seriousness of these issues, you'd think we'd be having a serious debate. But instead, John McCain is running an expensive, negative campaign against us. Each day brings a desperate new set of attacks. And they're not just attacking me. They're attacking you.

They're mocking the desire of millions of Americans to step up and take ownership of the political process.

They're trying to convince you that your enthusiasm won't amount to anything -- that the people you persuade, the phone calls you make, the donations you give, the doors you knock on are all an illusion. They believe that in this election the same old smears and negative attacks will prevail again.

I sent in my monthly C-note today. How about you?

----Vitelius

Simple Answers to Complicated Questions

Politics in U.S. Hiring: When is it Improper?

When someone asks you why you want to serve our beloved führer president instead of asking you about your, oh, job experience, and stuff like that.

---Vitelius

He's Scary Because He's Famous . . . or, er, Something Like That

The lameness is reaching a state of critical mass.

You might think, considering that American voters had no qualms about electing the celebrity Ronald Reagan to two terms as president, both times by overwhelming margins, that the McCain people might have been better served taking the time to discuss whether or not this would be the most effective tack to take.

What I want to know is, did Paris Hilton approve this message?

Update: The estimable Dday at Hullabaloo blasts this ad's not-too-subtle context right out of the water. I have to admit, I had overlooked the miscegenation angle
. . . guess it's a by-product of being a presumptuous, arrogant, and all-around-uppity lefty blogger. Or maybe I simply don't like to think that the folks running McCain's campaign are actively courting on the racist vote to get their man into the White House since, well, John McCain is such an honorable man, my friends, who'd never tolerate such reprehensible tactics, or employ people in his campaign who justify them. Because, you know, he was once a POW, and he hosts barbecues for the media, and he's a battle-tested Man of Integrity™. And because he's just so darned likable. Because Richard Cohen told me so.

Ooops, nevermind. Forgot about this guy:

"There are no cheap shots," Mr. Salter said. "There are honest differences between them."

Okay, my friends, I'm on board . . . for perpetual war, tax cuts galore, and protecting Britney's maidenhead from the threat of encroaching negritude.

---Vitelius

Couldn't Have Happened to a Better Guy

I know we still have 100 days to go before the election, but can we say "He's toast" yet?

---Vitelius

GOP Job-Seeker Tips: Venerate the Boss . . .

But only from afar. Blowjobs not permitted.

As a senior-level manager dude who occasionally has to hire and fire people, I must remember in the future to put questions like this to prospective employees, substituting the word "me" for "George W. Bush."

And it only gets better today. Proof once again of what happens when you turn over control of the government to a bunch of people who don't give a rat's ass about the actual job of governing.

---Vitelius

Irony-Free Zone of the Day

The Times' editorial offices.

It was hardly news that President Bush's Justice Department has been illegally politicized, but it was important that the Justice Department finally owned up to that sorry state of affairs . . . The details of what the investigators found were appalling, and Attorney General Michael Mukasey's response was disgracefully lukewarm. If he hopes to leave office with any sort of reputation for integrity, he needs to get serious about punishing this sort of wrongdoing.

---Vitelius

The AP's Obama Problem

Apparently, they still have one. Or, at least their womenfolk do:

After Hillary Rodham Clinton lost the race for the Democratic presidential nomination, one of her delegates wanted to send a message. So Mary Beth Pyle wore a Clinton T-shirt to a unity dinner meant to build support for Barack Obama.

"We were there to get over it. We had a sip of wine---goodbye, Hillary---and another sip---hello, Obama," said Pyle, chairwoman of the Democratic Party in Mesa County, Colorado.

But many of Clinton's supporters aren't so willing to embrace Obama, at least not yet. Independents and moderate Republican women remain a question mark, too.

So Obama is working fiercely to win their votes.

This would be news to at least one professional pollster, however:

[Hillary] Clinton was initially viewed as a valuable addition to the Democratic ticket because of her attractiveness to women voters, but women are already moving toward Obama's candidacy more than men at this juncture.

---Vitelius

The Comfort-Zone Presidency

The Baron took a blog-break over the weekend, but glancing at the headlines today, it's heartening to see The Deciderer filling out his last days on the job with duties for which he's immensely qualified.

---Vitelius

Death! Destruction! Film at 11

I was walking down Wilshire Boulevard at 11:42 this morning, and didn't feel a damn thing. Was there really an earthquake today?

---Vitelius

Turds in The Punchbowl

Pot, meet kettle. Kettle, pot.

---Vitelius

Drinking Non-Liberally

Y'know, in most states it's illegal to serve liquor to an obviously intoxicated person.

"Wall Street got drunk, that's one of the reasons I asked you to turn off the TV cameras. It got drunk and now it's got a hangover. The question is how long will it sober up and not try to do all these fancy financial instruments."

Okay . . . So, who's been tending bar the last seven years?

---Vitelius

"This is the Moment"

Indeed it is.

---Vitelius

The Republican Rule of Law

So, let's see here. If I break into my neighbor's apartment and steal a few things while he's away, as long as I believe in good faith that he won't be too bummed out over his missing TV for very long, I'm not committing any crime, no?

Consensual blowjobs, however, are grounds for expulsion from government.

---Vitelius

Jingle All the Way

Chuck Norris may be able to warp the space-time continuum with a well-placed roundhouse, but only Arnie can impoverish 100,000 workers with a stroke of a pen.

---Vitelius

Brainiac Exclusive: Obama's VP Pick Revealed

Courtesy of Atrios, Barry O and Mr. T, comin' to Washington next January. And this ain't no jibba-jabba, foo'!

---Vitelius

GOP Principles of Personal Accountability

Someone should preserve this little incident in aspic because it says a lot about what we've been living with for the last few years:

Syndicated columnist Robert D. Novak was cited by police after he hit a pedestrian with his black Corvette in downtown Washington, D.C., on Wednesday morning.

A Politico reporter saw Novak in the front of a police car with a citation in his hand; a WJLA-TV crew and reporter saw Novak as well. The pedestrian, a 66-year-old man who was not further identified by authorities, was treated at George Washington University Hospital for minor injuries, according to D.C. Fire and EMS. Novak was later released by police and drove away from the scene.

"I didn't know I hit him . . . I feel terrible," a shaken Novak told reporters from Politico and WJLA as he was returning to his car. "He's not dead, that's the main thing." Novak said he was a block away from 18th and K streets Northwest, where the accident occurred, when a bicyclist stopped him and said he had hit someone. He said he was cited for failing to yield the right of way.

The bicyclist was David Bono, a partner at Harkins Cunningham, who was on his usual bike commute to work at 1700 K St. N.W. when he witnessed the accident.

As he traveled east on K Street, crossing 18th, Bono said "a black Corvette convertible with top closed plows into the guy. The guy is sort of splayed into the windshield."

Bono said that the pedestrian, who was crossing the street on a "Walk" signal and was in the crosswalk, rolled off the windshield and that Novak then made a right into the service lane of K Street. "This car is speeding away. What's going through my mind is, you just can't hit a pedestrian and drive away," Bono said.

He said he chased Novak half a block down K Street, finally caught up with him and then put his bike in front of the car to block it and called 911. Traffic immediately backed up, horns blaring, until commuters behind Novak backed up so he could pull over.

Bono said that throughout, Novak "keeps trying to get away. He keeps trying to go." He said he vaguely recognized the longtime political reporter and columnist as a news personality but could not precisely place him.

Finally, Bono said, Novak put his head out the window of his car and motioned him over. Bono said he told him that you can't hit a pedestrian and just drive away. He quoted Novak as responding: "I didn't see him there."

A concierge at 1700 K Street said that she saw a bicyclist yelling and walked outside to see what the commotion was about.

"This guy hit somebody and he won't stop so I'm going to stay here until the police come," Aleta Petty quoted Bono as saying, as he stood in K Street, blocking traffic.

Let's review: Don't pay attention to what you are doing. Fuck something up big-time. Continue on as if nothing ever happened. When you get called on your fuck-up, plead ignorance. Has there been there any more apt metaphor for the mentality that governs our current rulers and their Beltway courtiers?

---Vitelius

How to Lose Elections & Influence Nobody

Keep invoking the spirit of Mr. 28%.

Republican John McCain on Wednesday credited the recent $10-a-barrel drop in the price of oil to President Bush's lifting of a presidential ban on offshore drilling, an action he has been advocating in his presidential campaign. The cost of oil and gasoline is "on everybody's mind in this room," McCain told a town-hall meeting.

Who the hell is running this guy's campaign anymore? Or are they just winging it as they go along? I mean, someone on the advance team couldn't have foreseen this development a bit further ahead of time? All I can say is, if the day-to-day workings of the McCain campaign are any indicator of how well a McCain White House would function, Jesus, this guy might even be worse than Bush.

---Vitelius

Just Another Day in The Office

---Vitelius

Principles of Libertarian Government Made Simple

I was almost ready to blog something even snarkier about this, but . . . this is really just sad.

As the campaign manager for the presidential bid of Rep. Ron Paul (R-Texas), Kent Snyder received a lot of credit for raising $35 million from grassroots supporters, a phenomenal accomplishment for an insurgent campaign.

But, like 48 million other Americans, Snyder had no health insurance, and when he died from pneumonia on June 26 after a two-month hospital stay, he left medical bills totaling over $400,000.

It is emblematic of our age that Snyder's boss, Rep. Paul, is a physician.

---Vitelius