brainiac conspiracy

Passings

Alan Rich, champion of new music: requiescat in pacem.

Who knew that we shared the same birthday? Fortunately, besides his weekly columns for Newsday and LA Weekly, he left behind a fair amount of recent online writings, almost always perceptive and brimming with insight and an unrelenting passion for the adventurous and experimental nature of the creative spirit in man, which remained undimmed after 85 fruitful years. He is already deeply missed.

---Vitelius

Entitlements: They're Not Only for Poor Black People Anymore

This is simply too rich to let go without a little call and response:

We are Wall Street. It’s our job to make money. Whether it’s a commodity, stock, bond, or some hypothetical piece of fake paper, it doesn’t matter. We would trade baseball cards if it were profitable.

You ought to try that sometime. Then you'd be trading things for what your clients know to be fair market value based on what anyone can find in a Beckett's guide, not some gold-plated turds with a AAA rating from Moody's that even your own colleagues don't know what they're worth.

I didn’t hear America complaining when the market was roaring to 14,000 and everyone’s 401k doubled every 3 years. Just like gambling, its not a problem until you lose. I’ve never heard of anyone going to Gamblers Anonymous because they won too much in Vegas.

Too bad you didn't stop gambling when you were ahead in chips. You didn't, and now you're in need of Speculators Anonymous.

Well now the market crapped out, & even though it has come back somewhat, the government and the average Joes are still looking for a scapegoat. God knows there has to be one for everything. Well, here we are.

Go ahead and continue to take us down, but you’re only going to hurt yourselves. What’s going to happen when we can’t find jobs on the Street anymore? Guess what: We’re going to take yours.

No you won't. You'll find some other line of work that makes a lot of money for minimal effort like you always have, like flipping houses or selling cocaine.

We get up at 5am & work till 10pm or later. We’re used to not getting up to pee when we have a position. We don’t take an hour or more for a lunch break. We don’t demand a union.

Good, because you won't get one, just like the other 93 percent of your comrades in the private sector workforce. But after six months of stacking potatoes at the local Piggly Wiggly, son, you'll sure as hell wish you had one, trust me.

We don’t retire at 50 with a pension. We eat what we kill, and when the only thing left to eat is on your dinner plates, we’ll eat that.

Translation: We've been mooching off you for the last 30 years, and we have no intention of stopping now. We'll simply find another way to do it.

For years teachers and other unionized labor have had us fooled. We were too busy working to notice. Do you really think that we are incapable of teaching 3rd graders and doing landscaping?

You ran some of the oldest and most trusted investment houses into the ground, and you think I'd trust you to manage my kids?

We’re going to take your cushy jobs with tenure and 4 months off a year and whine just like you that we are so-o-o-o underpaid for building the youth of America.

You would be, if you were actually living in America. But to get four months off every year, you'd have to be living (and working) in Europe. Most likely, in a union job.

Say goodbye to your overtime and double time and a half.

Twenty-five percent of the American labor force already has over the last 40 years. You actually think we expect that anymore?

I’ll be hitting grounders to the high school baseball team for $5k extra a summer, thank you very much.

Sorry. Summer school's been canceled, and the teachers have all been furloughed. It happens in a recession when your state government is billions in the red.

So now that we’re going to be making $85k a year without upside, Joe Mainstreet is going to have his revenge, right? Wrong! Guess what: we’re going to stop buying the new 80k car, we aren’t going to leave the 35 percent tip at our business dinners anymore.

I thought you didn't have time to eat when you were spending 17 hours a day swindling your clients. Get your story straight, man. And where are you going to make $85,000 a year teaching third-graders to read, or digging ditches for a landscaping contractor? That kinda scratch puts you in the top 10 percent of all American wage-earners. Tell me who to talk to, and for that kind of jack, I'll join you. I'm a white-collar professional with 20-plus years in upper-level management, and even I don't earn quite that much.

No more free rides on our backs. We’re going to landscape our own back yards, wash our cars with a garden hose in our driveways. Our money was your money. You spent it. When our money dries up, so does yours.

Actually, it's the other way around. We gave you our money to invest, and invest wisely. You fucked up. Haven't you figured that out yet?

The difference is, you lived off of it, we rejoiced in it. The Obama administration and the Democratic National Committee might get their way and knock us off the top of the pyramid, but it’s really going to hurt like hell for them when our fat a**es land directly on the middle class of America and knock them to the bottom.

For the six million of us who've lost our jobs in the past two years, we won't even notice, sorry to say.

We aren’t dinosaurs. We are smarter and more vicious than that, and we are going to survive. The question is, now that Obama & his administration are making Joe Mainstreet our food supply … will he? and will they?

Who knows? But here's a suggestion: don't Go Galt, Go Joad instead. Go work for some big box retail store for eight bucks an hour, with no union, no health insurance and one week of paid vacation every two years. Bust your ass and get yourself a promotion after a couple of years to assistant store manager, then to store manager a couple of years after that, and by 2018 or so you'll be rolling in dough: $35 grand a year, give or take, just like the rest of us pissants in flyover country. Then tell us what spoiled little assholes we've been when some privileged little jackoffs on Wall Street gamble away what meager amount of money you've managed to squirrel away in your 401k on some million-dollar mirage in Riverside County, implode the bank that's underwritten your mortgage under a mountain of bad loans, and drive your ass first into foreclosure, then into Chapter 7 bankruptcy. Then remind us again why salt-of-the-earth working-class folks like you are the only ones responsible when the people you trusted to manage your money turn out to be a bunch of corrupt, rapacious thieves with an overinflated sense of their own self-worth. I don't know if anyone's broken the news to you yet, but after 35 years or working real jobs, I can tell you this: today's super-raptor is tomorrow's lunch. (H/t Doug J.)

---Vitelius

Spill Here, Spill Now

Somebody's off the Kool-Aid:

As a massive oil slick in the Gulf of Mexico threatened the U.S. coastline Friday, Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal (R) expressed alarm that prevention efforts so far have been ineffective, and he demanded that the federal government and oil giant BP uphold their commitments to help avert an environmental disaster.

In an afternoon news conference with Obama administration officials, Jindal said he was worried that miles of booms deployed offshore are "not effective" in preventing oil from damaging coastal areas, wildlife and the livelihoods of fishermen. He announced that he is seeking to mobilize 6,000 National Guard soldiers and airmen for 90 days of duty to help provide security and support the response to the oil spill.

"I do have concerns that BP's current resources are not adequate" to meet three main challenges from the disaster: stopping the leak of oil from a damaged undersea well, protecting the coast and carrying out a swift cleanup.

Bobby Jindal, February 2009:

Let me tell you a story. During Katrina, I visited Sheriff Harry Lee, a Democrat and a good friend of mine. When I walk into his makeshift office, I had never seen him so angry. He was literally yelling into the phone. “Well, I’m the sheriff, and if you don’t like it, you can come and arrest me.” I asked him, “Sheriff, what’s got you so mad?” He told me that he put out a call for volunteers to come with their boats to rescue people who were trapped on their rooftops by the floodwaters. The boats were all lined up and ready to go. And then some bureaucrat showed up and told him they couldn’t go out in the water unless they had proof of insurance and registration.

And I told him, “Sheriff, that’s ridiculous.” Before I knew it, he was yelling in the phone. “Congressman Jindal’s here, and he says you can come and arrest him, too.” Well, Harry just told those boaters ignore the bureaucrats and go start rescuing people.

There’s a lesson in this experience: The strength of America is not found in our government. It is found in the compassionate hearts and the enterprising spirit of our citizens.

So where's Sheriff Lee now? And all those kindly boatsmen ready to come to the aid of their compatriots? What, they need some meddling government bureaucrats to tell them what to do now?

Frankly, I'm surprised that Bobby Jindal, and Goodhair Perry, and Haley Barbour and whoever the hell is the governor of Alabama these days haven't decried this massive federal intrusion into their states' sovereignty. I mean, isn't Bobby Jindal inviting a socialist government takeover of Louisiana's ecosystem?

Oh, never mind. When you're a conservative, the private sector only works flawlessly when it's somebody else's ass that's getting burned. Since Louisiana is already among the biggest welfare moochers in the Union, he's simply doing what comes naturally: pleading with Washington for another (gasp) government bailout. Sorry to be so snarky in the midst of a looming environmental disaster, but as far as I'm concerned, if Bobby Jindal wants Uncle Sam to come riding to rescue, he can start setting an example by rolling up his sleeves and filling up some sandbags. After he shows us his birth certificate.

---Vitelius

Gratuitous Business-Trip Blogging

Not much fresh content on the site this week, but hey, it gets a little hard to find the time to blog every day when you're out in the field doing vitally urgent scientific research.

Utah may indeed be a political crackpot state, but it's hard to shake the idea that heaven doesn't look a heckuva lot like Moab.

---Vitelius

That Ol' TIme Religion

A presidential "tradition" I would have hoped had reached the end of its shelf life:

President Obama arrived at Rev. Billy Graham's mountaintop log cabin Sunday afternoon, making a brief visit to the 91-year-old evangelist who has been a spiritual adviser to presidents for seven decades.

The pair met for about a half-hour as Obama ended a brief vacation in nearby Asheville, and prepared to depart for a somber memorial service in West Virginia on behalf of 29 miners who died when an explosion rocked their coal mine.

Deputy Press Secretary Bill Burton said it was the first face-to-face meeting between the president and Graham, who has been in ailing health recently. Burton said the two tried to meet the last time Obama was in Asheville, in October 2008, but that the schedule didn't work for Graham then.

"Rev. Graham has obviously been an important spiritual leader to past presidents," Burton told reporters, who waited in a van while the brief meeting was underway. "He's a real treasure to our country, and the president appreciates the opportunity to visit him at his home.">

Awesome. I wonder if Rev. Graham reminisced over any of his conversations with past presidents:

The Rev. Billy Graham apologized Friday for a conversation with former President Richard Nixon in which he said the Jewish "stranglehold" of the media was ruining the country and must be broken.

The conversation was among 500 hours of Nixon tapes released by the National Archives this week. "This stranglehold has got to be broken or the country's going down the drain," the nation's best-known preacher said as he agreed with a stream of bigoted Nixon comments on Feb. 1, 1972. "You believe that?" Nixon says. "Yes, sir," Graham says. "Oh, boy," Nixon replies. "So do I. I can't ever say that but I believe it." "No, but if you get elected a second time, then we might be able to do something," Graham replies . . .

The newly released tapes cover the first six months of 1972, with the Vietnam War and the upcoming campaign the backdrops for many conversations. The Nixon-Graham remarks came during a 90-minute session after a prayer breakfast the men attended.

The lengthy chat opens with Graham praising Nixon's prayer breakfast remarks. "There were a lot of people in tears when you finished this morning and it's very moving."

After offering Nixon tips on preparing himself for big speeches and strategy for his re-election campaign, Graham notes that he has been invited to lunch with editors of Time magazine. "I was quite amazed since this is the first time I've heard from Time since (Time founder) Henry Luce died."

"You meet with all their editors, you better take your Jewish beanie," Haldeman says.

Graham laughs. "Is that right? I don't know any of them now."

Nixon then broaches a subject about which "we can't talk about it publicly," namely Jewish influence in Hollywood and the media. He cites Paul Keyes, a political conservative who is executive producer of the NBC hit, Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In, as telling him that "11 of the 12 writers are Jewish."

"That right?" Graham says, prompting Nixon to claim that Life magazine, Newsweek, the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times and others are "totally dominated by the Jews." He calls network TV anchors, Howard K. Smith, David Brinkley and Walter Cronkite "front men who may not be of that persuasion," but said their writers are "95 percent Jewish."

He demurs that this does not mean "that all the Jews are bad" but that most are left-wing radicals who want "peace at any price except where support for Israel is concerned. The best Jews are actually the Israeli Jews."

"That's right," Graham agrees, and later concurs with a Nixon assertion that a "powerful bloc" of Jews confronts Nixon in the media. "And they're the ones putting out the pornographic stuff," Graham adds.

Nixon contends that "every Democratic candidate will owe his election to Jewish people," but he won't.

And people wonder why Franklin Graham is a bigot? Hmmm, let me hazard a guess.

----Vitelius

Nobody Could Have Possibly (Sigh) . . .

John Kerry, meet Lucy Van Pelt!

A bipartisan deal on climate change legislation suffered a major setback today as a key author of the measure accused Senate Democrats and President Obama of abandoning the issue to instead focus on an election-year immigration bill.

Sen. Lindsey Graham was set to release a climate change plan Monday with Sens. John Kerry and Joe Lieberman, but today Graham wrote a letter to "leaders in the energy independence effort" saying it was obvious the energy bill would have "no chance of success." He said politics will "impede, if not derail" the Kerry-Lieberman-Graham efforts that have been in the works for months.

Graham (R-SC) charged that Obama and Senate leaders have signaled immigration is their priority. Graham said that "has destroyed my confidence that there will be a serious commitment and focus to move energy legislation this year."

When it comes to the workings of a snake like Lindsey Graham, I hate to say "I told you so," but hell, I fucking did.

---Vitelius

The Farmer of Last Resort

I guess this is a good thing:

In the long run, stabilization and redevelopment of Afghanistan's agriculture sector is what will create opportunity. It is what will create jobs. It is what will create wealth and stability in this country. And that's why I think it's extraordinarily important for the USDA to be playing a very integral role in this, and it's one of the reasons why I'm here . . .

The farmers here are farmers who have very, very small-sized farm operations. I spoke with one farmer who had the equivalent of a half an acre. I spoke to a couple of farmers who had two or three acres. I think the largest farmer that I spoke to in the two days that I've been here, I think it was somewhere in the neighborhood of ten acres. These are very small operations.

But is this really how we want to spend our money---in a place like Afghanistan?

Put it this way: the First Family made a great deal of fuss over the White House vegetable garden last year. Which is fine and dandy with me, since I've had my own gardens in the past and am a big believer in Eating Local, in season and so forth. I only wish we could see more federal programs and grants aimed at states and municipalities to help fund community garden projects all across the country. It might be a reasonably low-cost way to make healthy foods more available and affordable to greater numbers of people, particularly in urban hellholes cores where good grocery outlets are sometimes hard to find. It could be used to teach some valuable life skills to young people in school, and to connect millions of Americans with the lives of their agrarian ancestors. And, you know, it could even provide some jobs for people, even though this kind of program would be branded at once as an outrageous government takeover of our gastro-intestinal system and another indication of the looming Totalitarian Foodie State also too.

No gripes against the Afghans---as much as we've already trashed up their country, it's probably a good proper thing that we provide them with some material assistance, as well as the encouragement, to grow subsistence crops other than opium poppies. And while we do already have a number of good community gardens in this country, they're nearly all run by non-profits and hence are largely dependent on private-sector financing---which can obviously fluctuate wildly given the state of a local economy at any given time. I only wish could see the same kind of commitments that we're making in Afghanistan being applied to our own neighborhoods as well. I just don't see any downside from such an initiative.

Update: A timely reminder from Nate Silver on the wisdom of promoting healthy, affordable food and not, you know, other stuff.

---Vitelius

Weird Observation of The Day

You'd think that any legislative body that enacted a law that gave the state unchecked police powers to apprehend anyone, anywhere and anytime, for mere suspicion of illegal activity would ignite a firestorm of protest among the army of Real Americans who want their government to stop intruding into their lives and to abide by the Constitution. But I guess it's only an outrageous usurpation of government power if white folks are the ones getting frisked.

---Vitelius

Very Confused People

To say the very least:

We are entering a -- we are entering a dark, dark period of man. Um, I was, um, I was in the Vatican, and I was surprised that the individual I was speaking to knew who I was. And they said: 'Of course we know who you are. What you're doing is wildly important. We're entering a period of great darkness, and if good people don't stand up, we could enter a period unlike we have seen in a very long time.'

It was odd to stand in the Vatican and hear those words. Of all places that would understand the Dark Ages. We are dealing with people who want to deconstruct the world. They say they are for progress, but their progress is to deconstruct. Their progress is to go backwards. Instead of inventing our way out of something. Instead of heralding achievement and merit, they destroy it.

Now, why exactly is Glenn Beck loitering in a place like the Vatican, or taking heed of some anonymous counsel there? Isn't he a Mormon convert?

Maybe someone should remind Beck that the Catholic Church regards him---and his church---as a heretic.

Saint Augustine, like any other Father or Doctor of the true Church, would have known nothing about the angel Moroni, the prophet Nephi, or the Jaredites. But he would most certainly recognize the Mormons’ rejection of the doctrine of Original Sin and their tampering with the consubstantial unity of the three Persons of the Trinity. And, for that, and for rejecting the authority of the magisterium established by Christ, he would have done battle against them.

Then there's this guy:

Former Rep. J.D. Hayworth (R-AZ), who is challenging Sen. John McCain in the Republican primary, has taken a position on the so-called "Birther Bill" making its way through the Arizona state legislature, which would require presidential candidates to submit proof of their natural-born citizenship and other eligibility for the presidency in order to appear on the state's ballot: Hayworth doesn't think it goes far enough.

"He believes that that legislation is drawn too narrowly," said Hayworth communications director Mark Sanders, when TPMDC asked for Hayworth's position. "And his thinking on it is that we require every voter when they go to the polls to prove who they are and prove that they are eligible to vote, so we should require that not only of presidential candidates but also every candidate on the ballot."

So does Hayworth think we should demand birth documentation for every candidate for public office, I asked?

"No, that's not what I'm saying," said Sanders. "I'm not addressing birth documentation. I'm addressing eligibility to vote, and that could apply to a lot of different things."

Mistermix hits the nail:

So, Hayworth’s statement is a two-fer: Not only is Obama a secret Kenyan Muslim, but we’re going to keep Mexicans from voting.

Quite true. But then again, if Obama's going to be kept off the ballot in Arizona in 2012, why go to all the trouble to disenfranchise the beaners?

Like I said, conservative leaders are very confused people. Or patently full of shit, take your pick.

---Vitelius

Faith-Free Politics

A political opposition leader in the UK, on matters of faith:

I'm not a man of faith, but my wife Miriam is Catholic, my children are being brought up in her faith, so I have a little bit of an insight into the immense feelings of anguish in the Catholic community here and elsewhere. (Emphasis added.)

Compare and contrast to a typical American opposition leader:

I really think a lot of the motivation behind these Tea Party crowds is a spiritual component. I think it’s very akin to the Great Awakening before the American Revolution. A lot of our founders believed the American Revolution was won before we ever got into a fight with the British. It was a spiritual renewal.

Well, I think people are seeing this massive government growing and they’re realizing that it’s the government that’s hurting us and I think they’re turning back to God in effect is our salvation and government is not our salvation and in fact more and more people see government as the problem and so I think some have been drawn in over the years to a dependency relationship with government and as the Bible says you can’t have two masters and I think as people pull back from that they look more to God. It’s no coincidence that socialist Europe is post-Christian because the bigger the government gets the smaller God gets and vice-versa. The bigger God gets the smaller people want their government because they’re yearning for freedom.

I confess, every time I hear some right-wing gasbag on the radio trying to scare his listeners by claiming that Obama is attempting to effect the "Europeanization of America," I stand up and yell, "Good! Where do I sign up?"

It really speaks volumes about our debased political discourse, that a guy who may very well the next Prime Minister of England can proclaim his "faithlessness" in a televised debate with little if any fear of repercussion. By contrast, no potential President---even a secular-minded Democrat who's intelligent enough to know better---can ever be considered a legitimate candidate for the office without at least pretending to proclaim some degree of solidarity with Our Saviour, and without being vetted for God-fearing bonafides by a wary national newsmedia. Remember this uplifting exchange?

Russert: Before we go, there's been a lot of discussion about the Democrats and the issue of faith and values. I want to ask you a simple question. Senator Obama, what is your favorite Bible verse?

Obama: Well, I think it would have to be the Sermon on the Mount, because it expresses a basic principle that I think we've lost over the last six years.

John talked about what we've lost. Part of what we've lost is a sense of empathy towards each other. We have been governed in fear and division, and you know, we talk about the federal deficit, but we don't talk enough about the empathy deficit, a sense that I stand in somebody else's shoes, I see through their eyes. People who are struggling trying to figure out how to pay the gas bill, or try to send their kids to college. We are not thinking about them at the federal level. That's the reason I'm running for president, because I want to restore that.

Russert: I want to give everyone a chance in this. You just take 10 seconds. Senator Clinton, favorite Bible verse?

Clinton: The Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I think it's a good rule for politics, too.

Russert: Senator Gravel?

Gravel: The most important thing in life is love. That's what empowers courage, and courage implements the rest of our virtues.

Russert: Congressman Kucinich?

Kucinich: I carry that with me at every debate, this prayer from St. Francis, which says, "Lord, make me an instrument of your peace," and I believe very strongly that all of us can be instruments of peace. And that's what I try to bring to public life.

Russert: Senator Edwards?

Edwards: It appears many times in the Bible, "What you do onto the least of those, you do onto me."

Russert: Governor Richardson?

Richardson: The Sermon on the Mount, because I believe it's an issue of social justice, equality, brotherly issues reflecting a nation that is deeply torn and needs to be heal and come together.

Dodd: The Good Samaritan would be a worthwhile sort of description of who we all ought to be in life.

Russert: Senator Biden?

Biden: Christ's warning of the Pharisees. There are many Pharisees, and it's part of what has bankrupted some people's view about religion. And I worry about the Pharisees.

There are some good answers in there, to be sure, but if it had been the Baron on that podium, my answer would been plain and simple: That was a stupid question, Tim. We need to get this religion crap out of our political discourse, and the sooner, the better. And God speed, Nick Clegg.

---Vitelius

Ballparks: Not Only for Hot Dogs Anymore

Steadfast and resolute Doug J at Balloon Juice has been doing yeoman's work of late mining the wingnut blogosphere for pearls of self-serving outrage, and his summary of the latest Dittohead commentariat purge contains the defining money quote:

That sums up modern conservatism perfectly: I know the facts were in the ballpark.

Doug's obviously right---and by all means, check out all his links, even if it gives the nuts a little extra traffic today---but it also suggests the necessity of a new and gradable scale by which we can measure the varying degrees of conservative deception. Call it the Ballpark Bullshit Metric, and off the top of my head, I'll throw out a couple of examples:

Fenway: An uniquely contorted and convoluted lie: "Beck, fenwaying history, links Woodrow Wilson to Third International."

Lambeau: A time-honored lie that it has taken on the aura of received wisdom: "Reagan won Cold War, Hannity lambeaus listeners."

Wrigley: A lie so improbable, it resembles a thing of beauty: "McCain wrigleys up, swears he's never been a Maverick."

Rose Bowl: A foundational cornerstone lie: "Cheney goes rosebowling, claims Democrats weak on terror."

Them's my picks. Got any others?

---Vitelius

Affirm Bush Administration-Wanking Link

This pretty much sums up the Republican philosophy of governance:

Senior staffers at the Securities and Exchange Commission spent hours surfing pornographic websites on government-issued computers while they were being paid to police the financial system, an agency watchdog says.

The SEC's inspector general conducted 33 probes of employees looking at explicit images in the past five years, according to a memo obtained by The Associated Press. The memo says 31 of those probes occurred in the 2 1/2 years since the financial system teetered and nearly crashed.

The staffers' behavior violated government-wide ethics rules, it says. It was written by SEC Inspector General David Kotz in response to a request from Sen. Charles Grassley, R-Iowa.

The memo was first reported Thursday evening by ABC News. It summarizes past inspector general probes and reports some shocking findings:

• A senior attorney at the SEC's Washington headquarters spent up to eight hours a day looking at and downloading pornography. When he ran out of hard drive space, he burned the files to CDs or DVDs, which he kept in boxes around his office. He agreed to resign, an earlier watchdog report said.

• An accountant was blocked more than 16,000 times in a month from visiting websites classified as "Sex" or "Pornography." Yet he still managed to amass a collection of "very graphic" material on his hard drive by using Google images to bypass the SEC's internal filter, according to an earlier report from the inspector general. The accountant refused to testify in his defense, and received a 14-day suspension.

• Seventeen of the employees were "at a senior level," earning salaries of up to $222,418.

• The number of cases jumped from two in 2007 to 16 in 2008. The cracks in the financial system emerged in mid-2007 and spread into full-blown panic by the fall of 2008.

No surprises here. You put the government in control of a bunch of people who don't take the business of government seriously, you end up empowering a bunch of government employees who don't take their jobs seriously.

The fish rots from the head down. Yet somehow you have to know this will be bad news tomorrow for Obama and the Democrats. Isn't it always?

---Vitelius

AIrport Food We Can Believe In

There really is no compelling reason why food operations at major transit hubs like airports has to be crappy, is there? Given the overall quality (or utter lack) of in-flight food on most airlines, you’d think that travelers---and business travelers with expense accounts in particular----would be willing to pay a premium to bulk up on gourmet chow at the terminal before boarding a long flight. I know I would. And since scoring a table at Osteria Mozza has been about as easy up to now as getting booked at the French Laundry or El Bulli, put me down to grab a taste of Nancy's grub the next time I'm at LAX.

---Vitelius

Breast Cancer Conservatives

Because our private healthcare system is the most awesome in the world!

One after another, shortly after a diagnosis of breast cancer, each of the women learned that her health insurance had been canceled. First there was Yenny Hsu, who lived and worked in Los Angeles. Later, Robin Beaton, a registered nurse from Texas. And then, most recently, there was Patricia Relling, a successful art gallery owner and interior designer from Louisville, Kentucky.

None of the women knew about the others. But besides their similar narratives, they had something else in common: Their health insurance carriers were subsidiaries of WellPoint, which has 33.7 million policyholders -- more than any other health insurance company in the United States.

The women all paid their premiums on time. Before they fell ill, none had any problems with their insurance. Initially, they believed their policies had been canceled by mistake.

They had no idea that WellPoint was using a computer algorithm that automatically targeted them and every other policyholder recently diagnosed with breast cancer. The software triggered an immediate fraud investigation, as the company searched for some pretext to drop their policies, according to government regulators and investigators.

Once the women were singled out, they say, the insurer then canceled their policies based on either erroneous or flimsy information. WellPoint declined to comment on the women's specific cases without a signed waiver from them, citing privacy laws.

That tens of thousands of Americans lost their health insurance shortly after being diagnosed with life-threatening, expensive medical conditions has been well documented by law enforcement agencies, state regulators and a congressional committee. Insurance companies have used the practice, known as "rescission," for years. And a congressional committee last year said WellPoint was one of the worst offenders.

But WellPoint also has specifically targeted women with breast cancer for aggressive investigation with the intent to cancel their policies, federal investigators told Reuters. The revelation is especially striking for a company whose CEO and president, Angela Braly, has earned plaudits for how her company improved the medical care and treatment of other policyholders with breast cancer.

The disclosures come to light after a recent investigation by Reuters showed that another health insurance company, Assurant Health, similarly targeted HIV-positive policyholders for rescission. That company was ordered by courts to pay millions of dollars in settlements.

In his push for the health care bill, President Barack Obama said the legislation would end such industry practices. Making the case for reform in a September address to Congress, Obama specifically cited the cancellation of Robin Beaton's health insurance. Aides to the president, who requested they not be identified, told Reuters that no one in the White House knew WellPoint was systematically singling out breast cancer patients like her.

I’d really like to see someone like Sarah Palin or Glenn Beck, or some other libertarian champion of our Constitutional Values, explain to a roomful of women like Robin Breaton why it’s more important for them to get sick and die needlessly, or deplete their life savings for the greater good of liberty than submit to the terrors of socialist Obamacare and, you know, like, actually live a normal life that’s free from worry, bankruptcy and suffering. Come to think of it, perhaps someone could ask Palin why we shouldn’t simply call out profiteering bloodsuckers like Wellpoint for exactly what they are---private-sector death panels. Also too.

---Vitelius

Play to The Crazy . . .

And you get the crazy:

Last Wednesday, the [Georgia] House Judiciary Committee entertained SB 235, the bill sponsored by Sen. Chip Pearson (R-Dawsonville) to prohibit the involuntary implantation of microchips in human beings.

In Gov. Roy Barnes’ stump speech, the bill has become a routine example of the Republican tendency to attack problems that don’t exist, and ignore the ones that do. Besides, Barnes argues, if someone holds him down to insert a microchip in his head, “it should be more than a damned misdemeanor.”

Three states have instituted bans, and others have considered the legislation. In Virginia, a bill supporter declared microchips to be the “666″ mark of the beast referred to in the Book of Revelation.

Pearson has said his motivation isn’t biblical or religious – that he is simply working in advance of technology’s next assault on personal privacy. Not unlike limiting the uses of DNA testing by health insurance companies, he argues.

At the House hearing, state Rep. Ed Setzler (R-Kennesaw), who is shouldering the legislation in the House, spoke earnestly for better than a half hour on microchips as a literal invasion of privacy.

He was followed by a hefty woman who described herself as a resident of DeKalb County. “I’m also one of the people in Georgia who has a microchip,” the woman said. Slowly, she began to lead the assembled lawmakers down a path they didn’t want to take.

Microchips, the woman began, “infringe on issues that are fundamental to our very existence. Our rights to privacy, our rights to bodily integrity, the right to say no to foreign objects being put in our body.”

She spoke of the “right to work without being tortured by co-workers who are activating these microchips by using their cell phones and other electronic devices.”

She continued. “Microchips are like little beepers. Just imagine, if you will, having a beeper in your rectum or genital area, the most sensitive area of your body. And your beeper numbers displayed on billboards throughout the city. All done without your permission,” she said.

It was not funny, and no one laughed.

“Ma’am, did you say you have a microchip?” asked state Rep. Tom Weldon (R-Ringgold).

“Yes, I do. This microchip was put in my vaginal-rectum area,” she replied. Setzler, the sponsoring lawmaker, sat next to the witness – his head bowed.

“You’re saying this was involuntary?” Weldon continued.

The woman said she had been pushing a court case through the system for the last eight years to have the device removed.

Wendell Willard (R-Atlanta), chairman of the House Judiciary Committee, picked up the questioning.

“Who implanted this in you?” he asked.

“Researchers with the federal government,” she said.

“And who in the federal government implanted it?” Willard asked.

“The Department of Defense.”

“Thank you, ma’am.”

The woman was allowed to go about her business, and the House Judiciary Committee approved passage of SB 235.

Laugh all you want, but I'm betting dollars to donuts that sometime within the next 48 hours, some Confederate Republican member of the House of Representatives calls upon Bob Gates to provide conclusive evidence that the Defense Department is not, in fact, implanting Satanic microchips in the recto-vaginal area of large Georgian women as a prelude to imposing a national VAT tax and the confiscation of the AR-15s that our founders intended us to pack in our national parks. I'll post an update if it comes to pass, and don't be surprised for a moment if it does. (H/t Steve Benen.)

---Vitelius

First They Came for Our Freedom Fries

You know what happens when someone in Washington actually proposes a sensible idea:

Too much salt is hidden in Americans' food, and regulators plan to work with manufacturers to cut back - but the government isn't ready to go along with a major new recommendation that it order a decrease.

"We believe we can achieve some substantial voluntary reductions," Food and Drug Administration Commissioner Dr. Margaret Hamburg told The Associated Press on Tuesday. "We are shaping a strategy, and that strategy involves working in partnership."

Don't expect soups, pizzas and breakfast cereals - yes, they contain added sodium, too - to taste different any time soon. The FDA's plans are still being formulated, but the idea is for gradual change so consumer taste buds can adjust, as well as industry recipes and production methods.

Americans eat about 1 teaspoons of salt daily, more than double what they need for good health and enough to increase the risk of high blood pressure, strokes and other problems. Most of that sodium doesn't come from the table salt shaker; it's hidden inside common processed foods and restaurant meals.

On Tuesday, the prestigious Institute of Medicine said the food industry has made little progress in voluntarily reducing sodium. The advisers urged the FDA to set maximum sodium levels for different foods in a stepwise rollback, so that eventually average consumption would drop by about half a teaspoon.

Yeah, you know what happens: It's a Socialist government takeover of our gastro-intestinal system!!!

The Washington Post reports: "The Food and Drug Administration is planning an unprecedented effort to gradually reduce the freedom used each day by Americans. . . . The government intends to work with the food industry and health experts to reduce freedom gradually over a period of years to adjust the American palate to a less free diet. . ." O.k., I've changed a few of the words, but not the meaning.

Conservative humor . . . not so much. And remember, the Washington Post actually pays this clown to write a weekly column.

The great Rick Perlstein once coined the phrase "E. coli conservatives" to describe these people, and they certainly seem to be doing their best to live up to the caricature in the Age of Obama. Whatever the case, the conservative definition of what constitutes "freedom" in our times sure seems to get a bit more inconsequential by the day, now, doesn't it?

And it's further proof, if you ever needed any, that to modern conservatives, the Right to Life stops the moment you exit the womb.

One in three U.S. adults has high blood pressure, which in turn is a leading cause of heart attacks, strokes and kidney failure. And while being overweight and inactive raises blood pressure, too much salt is a big culprit as well. The American Medical Association has said 150,000 lives a year could be saved by cutting in half sodium levels in processed and restaurant food.

---Vitelius

Just in Time for Summer Reruns

This is just bizarre:

Kelsey Grammer, one of Hollywood's most outspoken conservative actors, is now promoting a new television network: RightNetwork, aimed at his political brethren. What's less clear is what sort of broader funding the new project has lined up, after a number of prominent political blogs have mistakenly reported that the network has already been acquired by the cable giant Comcast.

This initial, confusing foray has certainly enhanced the profile of the RightNetwork, in a case study of effective — if largely inadvertent — viral marketing.

The liberal blog Crooks and Liars initially reported that the RightNetwork would be "partners" with cable giant Comcast. And indeed, language in the company's overview (in a PDF "look book" overview that was posted by Crooks and Liars' blogger) implies there's a business relationship: "On television, through partners including Comcast, RightNetwork delivers programming on demand that enables our audience to watch what they want, when they want," it reads, noting that the lineup will focus on "entertainment with Pro-America, Pro-Business, Pro-Military sensibilities."

The Drudge Report — linking to a Politico item (which in turn links to C&L) — ran with a headline that Comcast and Grammer were jointly launching the new conservative-themed network. And The Huffington Post ran a banner headline across its media page — "Tea Party TV" — that also reported a partnership between Comcast and RightNetwork.

But Comcast says that's not the case.

"The blog reports that Comcast is an investor in, or partner of, the RightNetwork are inaccurate," a Comcast spokesperson told Yahoo! News. "We have no partnership with this venture and have no plans to launch or distribute the network."

Now, notwithstanding the rich irony of a right-wing TV channel being launched amid a sea of misrepresentation and ignorance, the bigger question is: Why go to all the trouble of launching a new TV channel when you already have Fox News? I mean, a 24-hour cable station that features the likes of Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity, Bill O’Reilly, Neal Cavuto, Sarah Palin, Mike Huckabee, and Newt Gingrich on its regular payroll isn’t sufficiently “pro-America” to satisfy someone like Kelsey Grammer? Or could it be more a simple matter of a has-been former star of a painfully unfunny '90s TV sitcom trying to hitch a ride on the wingnut-welfare gravytrain to cash in on his name value? Hey, it's worked like a charm for Palin. Then again, this would be questioning the motives of a Real American®, so hey, forget I even mentioned it.

---Vitelius

Bizarre Occurrence of The Day

I found out I am getting a substantially larger federal tax refund this year than I did last year, or the year before that, or the year before that, even though I've worked the same job for the same salary, and in the same federal tax bracket during that time. My net income is in the top 10 percent of wage earners in America---which means I'm one of the worthy Producers of Wealth® in this country, not some dark-skinned looter or moocher. How can this be? Is this some desperate bribe from a cabal of Alinskyites to dissuade me from Going Galt? The mind reels.

On the other hand, I owe the state of California money this year for the first time ever. Someone kindly explain to me how Nancy Pelosi is responsible for this. The last I heard, she wasn't our Governor, but I am certain there's a logical explanation.

---Vitelius

Missed it By That Much

Another salad-bar special at Applebee's today:

In the states, clearly Gov. Mitch Daniels is the one most likely to become the 2012 presidential nominee. I like him because he’s about 5 feet 7 inches or so. He’s low to the ground. His fan club should be called the Mitchets. I like a presidential aspirant who is roughly my height. Plus he happens to be a very successful governor -— a pragmatic manager with an impeccable record of fiscal responsibility.

That's a new one on me. You don't hear the term "fiscal responsibility" being used to describe former Bush administration budget officials very often. At least Bobo didn't mention "fiscal judgment" instead:

The administration's top budget official estimated today that the cost of a war with Iraq could be in the range of $50 billion to $60 billion, a figure that is well below earlier estimates from White House officials.

In a telephone interview today, the official, Mitchell E. Daniels Jr., director of the Office of Management and Budget, also said there was likely to be a deficit in the fiscal 2004 budget, though he declined to specify how large it would be. The administration is scheduled to present its budget to Congress on Feb. 3.

Mr. Daniels would not provide specific costs for either a long or a short military campaign against Saddam Hussein. But he said that the administration was budgeting for both, and that earlier estimates of $100 billion to $200 billion in Iraq war costs by Lawrence B. Lindsey, Mr. Bush's former chief economic adviser, were too high.

Taibbi is right. This guy is just too good.

---Vitelius

We're All Likudniks Now

Wow.

We write to urge you to do everything possible to ensure that the recent tensions between the U.S. and Israeli administrations over the untimely announcement of future housing construction in East Jerusalem do not derail Israeli-Palestinian peace negotiations or harm U.S.-Israel relations. In fact, we strongly believe that it is more important than ever for Israel and the Palestinians to enter into direct, face-to-face negotiations without preconditions on either side.

Despite your best efforts, Israeli-Palestinian negotiations have been frozen for over a year. Indeed, in a reversal of 16 years of policy, Palestinian leaders are refusing to enter into direct negotiations with Israel. Instead, they have put forward a growing list of unprecedented preconditions. By contrast, Israel’s prime minister stated categorically that he is eager to begin unconditional peace negotiations with the Palestinians. Direct negotiations are in the interest of all parties involved – including the United States.

We also urge you to reaffirm the unbreakable bonds that tie the United States and Israel together and to diligently work to defuse current tensions. The Israeli and U.S. governments will undoubtedly, at times, disagree over policy decisions. But disagreements should not adversely affect our mutual interests – including restarting the peace process between Israel and her neighbors and preventing Iran from acquiring nuclear weapons.

From the moment of Israel’s creation, successive U.S. administrations have appreciated the special relationship between our two nations. Israel continues to be the one true democracy in the Middle East that brings stability to a region where it is in short supply. Whether fighting Soviet expansionism or the current threats from regional aggression and terrorism, Israel has been a consistent, reliable ally and friend and has helped to advance American interests. Similarly, by helping keep Israel strong, the United States has helped to reduce threats to Israel’s security and advance the peace which successive Israeli governments have so avidly sought.

It is the very strength of our relationship that has made Arab-Israeli peace agreements possible, both because it convinced those who desired Israel’s destruction to abandon any such hope and because it gave successive Israeli governments the confidence to take calculated risks for peace. As the Vice President said during his recent visit to Israel: “Progress occurs in the Middle East when everyone knows there is simply no space between the U.S. and Israel.” Steadfast American backing has helped lead to peace treaties with Egypt and Jordan.

We recognize that our government and the Government of Israel will not always agree on particular issues in the peace process. But such differences are best resolved amicably and in a manner that befits longstanding strategic allies. We must never forget the depth and breadth of our alliance and always do our utmost to reinforce a relationship that has benefited both nations for more than six decades.

Gotta love the timing here. A day after Obama warns against the increased threat of an Al' Qaida nuclear attack, a majority of the US Congress commits itself to a policy that all but guarantees the inevitability of one.

I guess what I really want to know, now that the Soviet Union is gone, is what the actual "benefits" are that accrue to the US from its unconditional support of Israel. What tangible economic, cultural, political, military or national-security blessings do we reap from this relationship? How does it benefit our GDP or our trade balance? How does it improve the safety of our troops and intelligence officers overseas? How does it improve the image of America throughout the rest of the world? How does it our benefit our environmental needs or our energy demands? Maybe I've had one too many pinot grigios tonight, but for some funny reason, I can't think of any good reasons at all anymore. Can you?

And Barbara Boxer, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. I may vote for you in November anyway, but if Tom Campbell should actually win his party's primary this June, I'm in for Grant to the Republican this year. Just to make things interesting.

---Vitelius