Bipartisanship

Its such a rare thing in these highly charged and polarized times, so it's such a relief when we find an example of policies that both Republicans and Democrats alike can agree are essential to the healthy functioning of a civil society:

Lesley Stahl: How does the water boarding that you engaged in, how did that work?

Jose Rodriguez: The detainee was strapped to an inclined board with his feet up so that no water would go--

Lesley Stahl: So his head was back.

Jose Rodriguez: So his head was back. And a cloth was placed over the mouth and nose. And water was applied to it.

Lesley Stahl: Oh he couldn't breathe through his nose.

Jose Rodriguez: So when he was saturated, then the air flow would be stopped.

Lesley Stahl: And he'd have the sensation of drowning.

Jose Rodriguez: And he would have the sensation.

Lesley Stahl: And was he naked?

Jose Rodriguez: In many cases, nudity was used extensively. And it worked well.

Lesley Stahl: Why is nudity effective?

Jose Rodriguez: It is effective because a lot of people feel very vulnerable when they're nude. And also because of the culture. Nudity, it is not something that is common...

Lesley Stahl: Was it waterboarding that broke the dam with Abu Zubaydah?

Jose Rodriguez: I think he was more taken aback by the insult slap.

Lesley Stahl: Oh, what's the insult slap?

Jose Rodriguez: It's just slapping somebody with an open hand so that you don't hurt 'em.

Lesley Stahl: By "hurt," you mean you don't break his jaw?

Jose Rodriguez: We don't break his jaw. And the objective is not to inflict pain. The objective is to let him know there's a new sheriff in town, and he better pay attention.

Because if there wasn't complete bipartisan consensus among our leaders in Washington, someone in a position of authority might deign to interrupt the White House Correspondents Dinner or some other vital function of state with some intemperate remarks about Geneva Conventions and war crimes and messy stuff like that. Thankfully, the Real Americans and the Kenyan Kommies have finally found something they can agree on: That the ritual brutalization of foreigners who don't like our policies deserves the full protection of the state. If that's not the purest expression of American Exceptionalism, I sure don't know what the hell is.

So congratulations to all the parties involved for Keeping Us Safe & Defending Our Freedoms™. We only had to adopt the standards of the Soviet legal system to do it.

(Via NoSpoon.)

---Vitelius